I STILL CAN'T FIX YOU DAMMIT!!

"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390) 09/28/2014 at 14:47 • Filed to: Classic Car Life

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I see maybe 2-3 vintage 911s on the road every couple days and YOU should be there too!! :'(

I don't have the money to take you to a proper shop to fix, but I haven't given up on you yet; I must have you running soon so you can get some more drives in before the snow, whatever it takes!

But every time I think I get close to finding out what's wrong, NOPE!! And I'm just like:

But I keep trying to get you back together because I love you; don't you worry, You'll be back on the road soon, I promise.

Oh, and a red Huracan just drove by my window at work....HNNNNGGGG!!

PS9 > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 14:53

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Here's how you fix it.

1) Take car to a certified Porsche service center.
2) Also take a Brinks truck stacked with $100 bricks from floor to ceiling, end to end.
3) Leave the vehicle and Brinks truck there, and wait for a phone call.
4) After the service center calls you, return to retrieve the vehicle.
5) Forget about the Brinks truck, unless you want severe crippling depression

6) Profit (For V.A.G.)

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > PS9 09/28/2014 at 14:54

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One problem with your plan...

PS9 > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 14:54

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What?

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > PS9 09/28/2014 at 14:56

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Where do I get a Brinks truck and $100 stacked bricks?? I don't even know what a Brinks truck is.

PS9 > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 14:58

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You've never seen one of these parked outside a bank or grocery store?

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > PS9 09/28/2014 at 14:59

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Nope.

Scary__goongala! > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 15:01

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Felt this way while trying to get my w123 road worthy and road llegal last summer. Also going to have to borrow that Godzilla gif.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Scary__goongala! 09/28/2014 at 15:03

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Borrow away! I borrowed it from the interwebz. :)

Alex B > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 15:09

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I hope you get her back on the road soon too!

JR1 > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 15:13

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Someone points a gun at the 911 and your 944 you can only save one. Which do you choose?

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > JR1 09/28/2014 at 15:22

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It's quite simple really. :)

So very simple...

I point my M1911 .45 ACP back at their head and say you can either walk away like this never happened, or I'll blow your fucking head right the fuck off. :D

DatsunOfABit > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 15:36

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Where do you work that you have a window that a Huracan can fly by on what appears to be a race track?

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 15:41

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You've obviously not tamed it. Your name is a lie!

JR1 > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 15:44

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Hahaha good answer!

You have a M1911 .45 ACP? That is on my short list of pistols I will one day own. Very nice choice.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 09/28/2014 at 15:48

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I tamed it when it was actually driving! But you have a point, perhaps it's time for a change of name....

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > JR1 09/28/2014 at 15:49

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Oh no! I don't have one; I'm only 19 :P

I do know a good deal about small arms and I simply referenced the handgun in the gif. ;)

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 16:02

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K-Roll-PorscheBitch-JrEngineer.

JGrabowMSt > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 16:03

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Fuel pump and filter. Dooooooooo iiiiittttttttttt.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 09/28/2014 at 16:06

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Ummmm, NO!!!

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > JGrabowMSt 09/28/2014 at 16:07

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But the fuel pump works!! I think it's the fuel pressure regulator.

mcseanerson > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 16:07

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Have you thought about taking it to a porsche shop and just paying for a diagnosis?

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > mcseanerson 09/28/2014 at 16:08

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Do you think I'm planting green Washington trees in my dorm room??

JR1 > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 16:09

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I am 19 too. But turn 21 I may just be buying a gun and not getting drunk that day we shall see!

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > JR1 09/28/2014 at 16:10

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Hopefully the "drunk" and "gun" don't go hand in hand...

JGrabowMSt > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 16:11

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works, or flows at the correct pressure? Youre building a 302, be adventurous already!

JR1 > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 16:12

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Yeah it is unlikely either will happen! 24th of December makes it hard to do much besides family time

mcseanerson > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 16:14

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I'm just sayin. You keep trying fixes that don't work and eventually you end up spending more than the diagnosis.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 16:15

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You've been throwing time and money at it and it still won't put out. I believe that makes you it's bitch.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > JGrabowMSt 09/28/2014 at 16:15

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This is just something I cannot do by myself. :(

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > JR1 09/28/2014 at 16:17

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Much Food!!

JGrabowMSt > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 16:17

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One more reason you need to live closer to me.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > mcseanerson 09/28/2014 at 16:21

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But I don't have the money right now; what you're suggesting is to basically wait until next year to diagnose it. All that time goes to waste, especially if it's something simple.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > JGrabowMSt 09/28/2014 at 16:23

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Or you could come to me?

JGrabowMSt > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 16:33

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If it werent such a long drive, possibly. That whole state PA being in the way isnt helping.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > JGrabowMSt 09/28/2014 at 16:38

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DRIVE THROUGH CANADA!!!

mcseanerson > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 16:40

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What's the problem with the car again?

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > mcseanerson 09/28/2014 at 16:45

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From cold start, the car will turn over, start, and run for about 10-15 minutes; then it'll stall out and die. All of this points to the fuel pressure regulator. Which I can't fix myself, because I can't unscrew the damn hex screws holding the thing down.

mcseanerson > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 16:52

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Are you able to test the fuel pressure?

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > mcseanerson 09/28/2014 at 16:54

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I can't, but the symptoms all point towards the regulator being the problem; ironically, when it started showing minor issues last winter; I had assumed it was that but never said anything about it.

JGrabowMSt > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 16:55

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That would honestly take me like 2-3 months, because I'd have to get a passport first.....

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > JGrabowMSt 09/28/2014 at 16:56

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We've got time; and you'll need that passport eventually anyways.

mcseanerson > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 16:58

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Is it because of inaccessibility or because you don't have the tools because they loan the stuff to check that with at the parts stores. Just give them a deposit and get it back when you return it.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > mcseanerson 09/28/2014 at 17:02

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I can't remove it by hand, and I don't have the tools to remove it..

I have to unscrew that hex screw and one other on the other side to lift it up and adjust the pressure slightly and see what happens; if it runs like before and can be driven, problem solved. If the same symptoms occur again, then I need $400 for a rebuilt one.

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > mcseanerson 09/28/2014 at 17:02

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Ive been helping him out with it over the phone, I think the hex bolt is over torqued. Look how that washer is warped:

JGrabowMSt > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 17:05

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Yeah. When I finally get a chance to drive across the county, I'll give you a few minutes warning before I'm knocking on the door.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > JGrabowMSt 09/28/2014 at 17:06

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Just a few minutes??

mcseanerson > Denver Is Stuck In The 90s 09/28/2014 at 17:09

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Have you tried a standard hex key that is slightly larger than the metric one? Maybe a dremel or a drill to cut the head off?

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > mcseanerson 09/28/2014 at 17:10

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Good Ideas! I'll suggest that next time I talk to him, He does have a dremel

JGrabowMSt > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 17:12

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Yeah, I'll give you a call and just let you know it's time to "pull out and get down here. I'm not waiting all day."

You know, as a courtesy.

/sarcasm

mcseanerson > Denver Is Stuck In The 90s 09/28/2014 at 17:14

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I had a air lid on a CRX that the bolt that travels through had come loose some how and I couldn't take the nut off. I didn't have a grinder (at the time) so I attacked it with a cordless drill and one of these.

It was less than ideal and it got me in and found out PO wasn't even using an air filter.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 09/28/2014 at 20:45

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I have a solution to all your problems - sell it to me. The Audi is currently about to find a very nice, loving home with any number of collectors/restorers who have been coming out so I will have an empty spot in my parking area soon.